/random/

I'm still looking great despite the fact that it's frosty outside.

A class of boys attending a night school were being examined by one of her Majesty's inspectors. After asking a few questions, he pulled a penknife from his pocket, and, exhibiting it, said, "What is this blade made of?" One of the boys answered readily, "it ought to be steel, sir." "Very good!" said the inspector, as he tossed the knife up and caught it again. "And have you ever read anything referring to edged tools?" "Please, yes, sir!" exclaimed a bright-eyed *****ster. "Fools should not play with edged tools." Collapse of inspector.

No, madam, I have seen too many to believe in them.

He was standing one day beside a frogpond–we have his word for it–and saw a large gartersnake make an attempt upon an enormous big bull-frog.
The snake seized one of the frog's hind legs, and the frog to be a par with his snakeship, caught him by the tail, and both commenced seallowing one another, and continued this carniverous operation until nothing was left of either of them.

Ah, but I dinna like Cockle sauce with it.

The ages before a saucepan was invented

Stammering, says Coleridge, is sometimes the cause of a pun. Some one was mentioning in Lamb's presence the cold heartedness of the Duke of Cumberland in preventing the duchess from rushing up to the embrace of her son, whom she had not seen for a considerable time, and insisting on her receiving him in state. "How horribly cold it was," said the narrator. "Yes," said Lamb, in his stuttering way, "but you know he is the Duke of Cu-cum-ber-land."

The mince pie graceth the festive board,
Masking its juice rare,
And the mouth of our baby waters the while
He vieweth the treasure there.

The doctor smileth a wan, sad smile,
And heaveth a crocodile moan;
And the marble man goeth into his yard
And polisheth up a stone

And the undertaker mouirnfully asks,
"What will his measure be?"
While the *****ton labels a spot "reserved,"
Under a willow tree.

interesting! But I MISSED THE SHOWW UUGGHH!